- Embrace and support other women, queer, and poc individuals, whether platonically or romantically. Recognize that animosity among women is often instigated by the patriarchy. Unlearn biases and connect with those who share your experiences and struggles.
- Find your hobbies, passions, and interests and talk about them! Share online, tell people at parties, and you’ll find a nieche group of new people to befriend.
- Prioritize self-expression and authenticity. Take care of yourself however you want. Wear whatever the fuck you want. Act however you want. Say whatever the fuck you want. Do not cater to male expectations, and if men don’t stick around, or if other people judge you: honey they were never for you anyway. Trust me, the quality of people I spend my time with now being myself vs the quality of people I was around when I wasn’t… night and day.
- Find the good men and APPRECIATE them. Tell them they are doing a good job and thank them for doing the work to unlearn the patriarchy. Encourage them with positive feedback and gently correct their missteps, the good ones will want to know. Always positively reinforce since men do not get a lot of compliments, but they like them just like everyone else! From interviewing male friends, I’ve learned that some of them envy female friendship. My female friend's and I are much closer and more supportive of each other than male friend groups. As a reward for their unlearning, let the good men into that a bit, treat them like your female friend, ask for advice, and love them like all of your other friends.
- Be really hot and off putting. Confidence is key here.
Walk away THE SECOND anyone doesn’t respect your boundaries or treat you with dignity. There are so many good men out there, it really is better to wait, focus on yourself, and watch the right person come along when you’re least expecting it. Doesn’t that sound much better than begging a man for the bare minimum? You’ll be hot, smart, funny, and interesting by the time the right one comes around. And they will be too cause they’ve also done the work!
Allow yourself to feel and express anger over past mistreatment by men. Discussing your experiences is important for healing and societal change. Talk about it even if people don’t want to listen. Trust that the anger will subsided into something more constructive. In the beginning, it’s important to let yourself be angry since we have shunned angry women for so long. There is such a power in our anger. It shows us where we are being mistreated and where we want better for ourselves and others. It’s not a bad thing, it’s the actions that come out of anger that can be destructive. Learn to be safe AND angry, this is the dance of activism. Know when you need rest, others are out there fighting the good fight.
Turn your anger into something positive. Why do you think I finally made SKYBAT LABS? I’ve been wanting to make a female and queer alternative to VICE for years now. I even interviewed with VICE and got passed up for the job by an underquaqified white man. This has happened countless times, dream jobs going to men who are less qualified. I finally said, enough is enough, it’s my turn and I’m not asking for anyone’s permission. Best decision I’ve ever made.
KEY TIPS: Find your people, share your negative experiences AND dreams, and make space for others to do the same.
Two of my favorite bitches <3
